June 09 - Frustration, Blogs & Ouch again!

Currently I should be in Manchester, with Hazel & Friends watching the Ladyboys of Bangkok but as you see I’m not!! Loads of frustration again and nowt I can do about it either! Family fortunes played apart in preventing me from going with my son staying home today which curtails any chance from getting ready. Unfortunately there was no reasonable alternatives to get ready else where, so I was snooked! In the circumstances I informed Hazel I could not go and felt I let her down accordingly. It has been 4 weeks now since I made an appearance and not sure when I get the opportunity in the future. Ah well “Ladyboys of Bangkok” for another day perhaps but I can never plan an outing with the current family circumstances. Yes I know, its my choice and the right one too but it is so bloody frustrating never the less! In the meantime I hope Hazel & the girls had a good night.

For those of you who read my blog will no doubt read others too for numerous reasons. As you can see, you only need to look at my links on the left hand side, to note whose blogs I read occasionally. Like wise I do have other blogs I read from time to time as part of my private list. It is interesting to read the various blogs as you get an insight to how others live and what issues/problems they encountered along their chosen route. Also, no two girls have the same issues/problems either and we all approach them in a different way to suit our own circumstances. In consequence you learn things which you may be able to take on board because of other girls circumstances & experiences - you may not realise this but indirectly you do affect other girls lives.

However, every now & then, a problem / situation arises which can be mis-interpreted especially when it concerns two girls who are friends of each other. I will just say they both had a different view of the same situation but clearly I found reading both blogs that it was just down to a mis-interpretation and a mis-understanding of their intentions & situation. I think they realise that too but I will never know I suppose unless they write something in their blog?

What is moral of what I’m saying - probably you need to think twice before you write anything in your blog or better still talk to someone rather than post everything on your blog? Will it stop me from writing about KD’s life - of course not but still think food for thought?

Ten days ago, I had my third IPL session and yet again it was pure “ouch”!! It seems that my face is getting a little more sensitive every time I go and the “ouch” is not getting any easier. Results so far suggest its patchy but slowly improving. The Clinic nurse who does the treatment would like up the zapping by an extra two stops as she understandably feels the outcome would be more successful. However, going those extra two stops is a little far for me otherwise I will chicken out! So I have two more paid sessions and hopefully I will get the results I graved by then but I don’t have 100% confidence that it will be. Mmmm more sessions - currently I’m not sure of this! On the plus side, I have had no reaction or redness that can be associated to the treatment and in that respect, I’m lucky I suppose but I just hope in the long term it will be worth it - anything that can lessen the shadow area will no doubt increase my confidence & belief when going out but at what cost?

June 09 - A new hair style & a KD day.

Surprisingly I manage to get out again prior to our holiday, this being the first Wednesday in the month. I had been informed by Lisa at Transfixed that my wig was ready to collect and having not seen Teela at Transpose for a while, I though I would visit her too. In the meantime Jane M had also suggested she would visit Teela too as she been threatening to visit her new premises for a while.

I decided to wear my black skirt suit to visit Teela, sort of Secretary look and that way do a little bit of work for Teela while at the premises. Duly arrived and had a good natter. Teela was looking better but still having difficulty in walking. Having said that, it was only recent she was told by the consultant, she could attempt to walk again (in small doses). Also there was Susan J (in bob mode) was doing some wallpaper hanging on the ever improving premises. Slowly but surely it is coming together. Eventually, I done one or two odd jobs for Teela and it was not long before Jane M arrived but I just carried on working. Later on Mandy (in bob mode) turned up to deliver some display boards for the “Sparkle” weekend and Lisa K too. Was nice to see Lisa again, as it had been a few months since we last met.

As the afternoon was drawing near to a close, I got change into a casual outfit as Jane & I had decided to go to the Manchester Village for a meal and hopefully meet some other friends. On the way we called into Jane’s so she could get change. Eventually we got to “Transfixed” to collect my wig but alas we were still there two hours later which was not planned as Lisa was cutting the hair for another client. However, we manage to have a chat with Zara and time soon passed away and eventually it was my turn. Zara then proceeded to trim my wig again now it was on me and my appearance was transformed again. Given the new style, although I do love it, it will take a while to get use to the new style as I now have a proper fringe and hair is not over my face as it use too once. Clearly I was keeping on for the remainder of the evening and hopefully will post some pics of the new style on my flickr site. In the meantime, I let Zara keep my other wig for a clean & condition which will give me another excuse to get out in the future.

It was almost 8.30 and both Jane & I were definitely hungary and headed to the Village poste haste! We eventually arrived at Velvet for a meal but somehow we were not as hungary as we first thought - clearly gone past it. The rest of the evening we just chatted, saw some other girls from MC and headed home for bed.

This was an eventful day in more ways than one but same again it was just another day too with various girlfriends. Now KD’s mind was getting switch off for the next couple of weeks as it was holiday time with MR. As for my next outing, yes, mmmmmmmm!

May 2009 - At last & an interesting evening.

After almost three years in communication with Christina, a TGirl who I got to know via the Angels Forum, we finally met each other for the first time last Wednesday (20th May). We had arrange to meet each other in the Village were I would take Christina to Manchester Concord to meet other TGirls and also give her the opportunity to dress outside the home!

However, this evening out turned out to be an interesting & enjoyable one for numerous reasons and that was not just meeting Christina. While getting ready during the afternoon, I rang “Transfixed” to enquire on the off chance if they could accommodate me in order to have one of my wigs restyled. They could and this was initially going to be my first of call before going to the Village. Having almost got ready, I left the house and on my way, contacted Jane C who by co-incidence was also going out to the Village but amazingly, also going to “Transfixed” to get her eye brows done! With Jane’s assistance, we arrived at “Transfixed” and met Lisa & Zara who run the business. They made us welcome and before I knew it there I was sitting in the chair having my hair restyled! A bit of odd feeling but never the less a nice one though. The wig I was restyling was my original one which I had not worn for about 18 mths, mainly because it covered my face & looked a bit heavy. Zara suggested some restyling & cutting would do the trick. Almost an hour later, it was done but Zara has kept it to give a good wash & condition and a further trim. It was agreed that I would go back to “Transfixed” in the future for the fitting and final trims if necessary. I am really looking forward to this and see a new version of me! Zara had already hinted that it was making me looking younger - mmmm does she need glasses! LOL. By this time, I was now running about an hour late in meeting Christina.

I left Jane to get her eye brows done who was looking fab especially with her new hairstyle & colour. Having made my humble apologies to Christina who I met outside Taurus, who fortunately, she recognize me as I had never seen pictures in her “bob” mode. We then we then headed straight to the Manchester Concord meeting were I introduce her to Mary, looking nice as usual and made her most welcome. Christina then went to get change and finally after an hour or so she re-appeared as her true-self, mmm so much better. After that we had a natter and then suggested we go out for a bite to eat. Christina had never done this before but nothing like throwing her at the deep end. LOL! WE only went around the corner to Villagio’s but this was a big step for Christina. At Villagio’s we had a nice meal, sat by the window of all places but that Christina took it in her stride. In the meantime, I noted Leanne had arrived to have a meal with some friends, with much to my surprise, I recognize Nikki & Gemma who I had not seen for a long time. As usual, we girls get carried away when nattering! After that Christina & I headed back to MC were Christina met new girls & had a natter - in the meantime Jane reappeared. Unfortunately the evening was almost over especially for Christina but she had decided to head back to her hotel as Christina which I understand was a little more excitement for her, apparently the hotel door keeper was a little confused! LOL. Regardless it was a nice evening with Christina and hopefully it wont be so long before we meet again.

After I said goodbye to Christina, I met up with Jane again and we headed to Velvet (upstairs) as that were Nikki & Gemma were going. Jane wanted to see Nikki as they have recently become good friends. On this occasion, it was nice to have a proper chat with Gemma (Geordie girl) as it had been about 2 years since last communication but she was really looking well and unusual to see her in Manchester. Finally my evening came to a close and departed for home. All in all, a good unexpected enjoyable evening was had.

At the time I thought this was my last evening out before my holiday in June but ……. Well that be for the next update.

(NB this entry written in two stages, began prior to my holiday and now just finished)!!

May 2009 - "Scrubbed up well".

It has been over a month since my last entry but really there has been no reason to add anything. MR & I had our welcomed break and it was one we enjoyed as had “chilled” out completely. Coming home was something I did not want to do as I was reluctant to upset the applecart as things were really good between us and it was a nice feeling too. But all good things must come to an end sooner or later but it was another 3 weeks before that happened. More of this later.

Putting KD to one side, home & family life has been taking priority over the last few months which is understandable given what happened in March. Since that event, a few changes have taken place including some alterations around the house, a new car and a new member of the family, mmmm the four legged variety I’m referring too there! Also, we are both looking forward to our main holiday in June which is something special to say the least. So to a certain extent, that has prevented KD from making an appearance but something that I accepted without too much of a problem. Strange this may seem to say this but I knew that KD was never far away.

At the beginning of the month, I contacted Jane again and we arranged an outing on a Tuesday as that was the best day for both of us. After arriving at Jane’s apartment, and as usual, we just made things up as we go along for the rest of the evening. In consequence, we ended up at the Lowry, Salford Quays but alas the shops were shut (one way of saving money)! So we ended up at a nearby Chinese restaurant “Pond Quay” for a bite to eat. Although it was quiet, it was an interesting experience and now’t to do with the food either. First, our little Chinese waitress was curious about the two of us for starters and could not almost keep away from us! However, she was polite and served us with a smile. During the course of our meal, I had notice a bloke on his own who occasionally kept looking at us but that is all so I thought no more about it! Later on, the bloke was making his way out but stopped at our table to say hello and just to say “we scrubbed up well” but take this as a compliment which we did! LOL. Although the bloke had a bearded, it transpired that he had a “femme” fetish and he had in the past, dressed up himself but mainly for “rocky horror” type of events. He confirmed that wished to do more often but personal circumstances dictated otherwise. Mmmmm sounds familiar to a lot of CD/TV’s?? We continued to have a natter for a few minutes before he went on his merry way! After that we finished our meal and then headed to the “Village” on a non T-Girl night. We headed to “Taurus” for a couple of drinks being amongst “normal” people including a group of student thespians. I certainly felt being the only T-Girl in the village as Jane is TS. LOL. After that we headed home and yet another quiet but enjoyable evening was had.

For some of you, it has become clear that Jane has become a close girlfriend and she is a lovely girl too. I do admire Jane for what she is going through which at times has not been easy for her. Currently, Jane has taken the big step to go full time which seems to be going smoothly especially at work which is big hurdle to overcome and hopefully continues to do so. One thing I like about her, she treats & respects everybody as individuals but for me especially, Jane accepts me for who I am (a part-time T-Girl?) and that I do “scrub up well” which means a lot to me, more than she imagines. May be I’m doing something right after all?

Last week, I had my 2nd IPL session which I was not exactly looking forward too due to the “ouch” factor! Anyway, it went well enough and currently the results to far is what I say patchy in parts. Clearly this is to do with the growth cycle of the hairs but at least it is a step in the right direction. However, the down side on this, that I must continue to shave everyday otherwise the patchiness becomes very evident to all & sundry. MR has certainly noticed the difference and not exactly over the moon with the results so far - clearly she likes me to have a stubble but alas it is not what I want, which I suppose a selfish point of view? My next session is not for another 5 weeks now so may be another improvement before then?

Finally, I am hoping to get out again before we go on holiday next month, hopefully this will happen on Wednesday were I have the opportunity to finally meet an Internet friend I’ve been in contact for quite a while.

April 2009 - "Ouch", upset and a dog!

After a fantastic night out with two good friends, it was back to the “bob” everyday world were the next few days, KD matters came to the fore again especially with MR. However, looking back on my night out, it had left me with a glowing feeling within myself and life was really good even allowing for recent traumatic events. I had also realise and Jane wont mind me saying this, that I had seen the last of Jane as her alter ego, and from almost now on, Jane would be living fulltime as the person she wishes to be. I have really no idea how she really feels inside but it must be one of happiness although she realises this is just the beginning of her new life. I am really pleased for her and I do look forward in continuing our warm friendship for the foreseeable future.

By now, I had arranged my first IPL appointment which just left me to tell MR but not knowing when was the best time to tell her, as I knew she was not pleased with me anyway. Mmmmm I don’t like it when I’m in this position as this leaves me frightened but then again, who’s fault is that anyway! Eventually, I told MR but the next couple of days and after the session, things were not exactly rosy! As for my first session, well yes it was “ouch”, made worst by the fact my shadow covers a large part of which face including most of neck too! Other girls had warned me of this but until you had it, you don’t have any idea! Well I survived and with the exception of a tinkling feeling (even now), my face seems to OK but it is early days in relation to see if there is any hair reduction! One thing for sure, shaving is just a little sensitive at the moment! LOL! Anyway, now look forward to my next session - mmmm can’t wait to have all the sessions completed just from the “ouch” point of view!

Later on the same day, I collected MR from work as normal but I had sense that things were not well at all. Sort of the cold treatment by MR although I was attempting to make normal conversation. In the end I gave up and just waited for the bullet to hit me! Without going into detail, things did come to a head and various thoughts & discussion was had. Without any doubt, I had hurt MR in what I had done but this was something I wanted otherwise KD could never be the person I want to be on the occasions I go out. In away I don’t fully understand myself, so what chance has MR got? Eventually, we made up but I’m not sure what damage has been caused, only time will tell but it seems that MR has decided to stay out and let me get on with it. Strange it may seem, the IPL treatment (assuming it is successful) is the last piece of the jigsaw in my outward appearance which just leaves me to get on with my limited outings with new & existing friends. In the circumstances, hopefully in time, MR may eventually realise this but I will just have to wait & see.

Finally, during these few days, we had been shopping and MR has a fetish for Radley handbags and another one has been added to her collection! While in the same shop, MR bought me as a birthday treat, a nice pink Radley handbag, this was a lovely surprise and very much appreciated. Clearly some things about KD are OK with MR but others not so but hopefully we will find a compromise way forward in order to break our “circle”.

For the next 10 days or so, KD will be very much in the background as MR & I are now off on a welcomed break - this hopefully will bring things back into perspective & some relief too?

April 2009 - The outing that "Rocked"!

I manage to get out last week, first time in a month but this time, it turned out to be one of the most enjoyable outings I’ve had for a long time. Prior to this, I had contacted Jane C just on the off chance, if she was free for a night out which she was. So the day was pencilled in and something to look forward too. However, in the light of recent home events, I found out the day before, that I would not have a car to drive! In simple terms, having no car meant that I could not really get ready as KD at home. In the circumstances, not sure if the outing was going ahead but Jane C came to the rescue and kindly offered to collect me from my home and also offered to get change at her apartment too.

Jane collected me straight from work and arrived at her apartment, we then proceeded to get ready having found out in the meantime, that we were going to meet Becky at the Trafford Centre around 6.00pm, which was a nice pleasant surprise. One of the problems of not getting ready at home, is that you don’t get the opportunity to mix & match your outfit as you go along. This means I had to pick an outfit but still ended up taking 4 different tops with me to go with my Per Una Jeans & Laura Ashley grey jacket. Well we ask each other for advice on tops as Jane was having indecision too!

Jane & I finally arrived at the Trafford Centre just after six, were we met Becky in the Food Mall, who had been shopping already. It is always nice to see Becky, as she is such a lovely person. Becky I’ve known for about 4/5 years now as she was the first T-Girl I’ve ever met even before leaving the closet. Little did she realise how KD would progress over the next few years. LOL. Before too long, we had agreed that first port of call would the cash machines and then some food. “Café Rouge” was again the eating venue and we sat outside in the open area of the restaurant for all to see (not if anyone really notice). For the next two hours, we just chatted, laughter and food. In the meantime, served by pleasant waiters and lovely food. Having finally finished our meal, we then proceeded to head for the “in house” multiplex cinema rather than head into the shopping area. After a short discussion, we finally decided to see “The Boat that Rocked”, which is a film based on “Radio Caroline” priate radio station in the 1960’s.

Now this was going to be another first for me, as I have never been to the cinema as KD before. Jane, Becky & I joined the long queue for the tickets for the film but although mostly people in their late teens or twenties were in the queue, we did not seen to attract any attention! We got our tickets and made our way to the relevant film section. We then made ourselves comfortable to watch the film but not before Becky went back to the car for her glasses! Without, she would see no film! LOL. For the next two hours, we watch, laughed to an excellent and most enjoyable film, with great music all the way through. At one stage, I felt like getting up to have a dance in the aisle it was that good. At the end of the film, I commented to Becky, that I knew every record in the film although she only recognize some. Mmmm showing my age I suppose! LOL!

Anyway after another chat, Jane & I then headed home, after saying our goodbye’s to Becky. Having arrived at Janes, regretfully from my point of view, my evening had ended as I now need to get change again but not before a coffee & more chat was had. Jane kindly drove me home which was really appreciated.

This outing was certainly one of the more memorable but this was down to the great company I was in and also that we all felt (especially myself) just being part of the everyday scene and dare I say it being just accepted. Mmmm what a lovely feeling. Finally, an extra special thank you to Jane as without her kind assistance, I would of missed out on this treat!

April 2009 - Getting on with life & all.

It is now over two weeks since our traumatic experience and little by little, normality is now returning. However, MR & I have both find especially being on our own, that we find ourselves a little jumpy and also being nervous of youths etc who dressed in hoodie type appearance. It should not be like that but it makes you like that - a very sad reflection of today’s society. There has been police news on this experience which surprise us but just suffice to say that “people” have been arrested in connection with another crime and there is a link to our crime. In the meantime, dealing with the insurance is never easy but the worst thing is the time it takes to get things moving - currently we are looking towards the end of April before things will be resolved! How frustrating! Fortunately for MR & I, we have a number of events over the next few months to look forward too, which I’m sure is keeping us “sane” and a better chance of putting this experience behind us. Before I move on, may I thank those girls who have contacted me and offered their thoughts & wishes.

So back to KD matters. Well with what has been happening recently, there has really been no chance to get out but other matters have risen between MR & I, some of which is of my doing. Over a year ago, I had made the decision to have IPL to attempt to solve my shadow area being of a dark complexion which as some girls realise is a little hindrance when attempting to cover up. Although I make a good job when covering up, I’m still conscious of this while out & about and it does play tricks on your mind. If nothing else, this is sure way of getting sussed by joe public which does not do the confidence any good what so ever. Anyway, I have advised MR about this when I made this decision but because of various personal factors in that time, it has been put on hold. So recently I visited a Chester based clinic for a consultation and we agreed a provisional timetable of IPL treatment. However, I had not informed MR of this as I wanted to wait to tell her when my first appointment was already made. Alas MR found out by accident (yes my fault) and confirmed what I was doing. MR could not understand why I wanted to do this and quite rightly I suppose commented “what is next on the agenda” and I am just being vain? The latter comment I cannot understand because I am not vain even as KD. As for other things that I am apparently want to do is in fact don’t exist to be honest as the IPL treatment is the only thing I wish to do. Generally speaking I’m happy as I am and also with the compromises I made to MR about “bob’s” appearance. From MR’s point of view, she is concerned & worried, but I do attempt to allay her fears but clearly I am not been convincing enough. So I will just have to keep reassuring her from time to time and hopefully in time, she may be a little more tolerant & forgiving?

The “vain” comment was I thought a little unkind by MR but it got me thinking, was I really that, but I had not realise it or attempting to ignore it? So I ask my work colleague LA who did not agree or disagree with the comment. No help I know but she did say this to me, I do have a lot of (nice) clothes, have the best make-up amongst other things so therefore it is possible! Mmmm interesting but I then sought words of wisdom from my counsellor, who suggested that a lot of T-Girls are “narcistic” and advised me to look it up in the dictionary, but not to be offended by the description of the word. Well girls if you wish to know what it means, look it up but I know for definite I am not “narcistic” but there are girls who are though!

MR & I also had another counsellor session which was OK, but alas half of the session was taken up discussing our recent traumatic experience which was not suppose to be about, as KD is suppose to be issue. Anyway, for MR especially, her thoughts on this issue did matter and if that helped her, then that is of some benefit. As for KD matters, well nothing was agreed or otherwise but an evening out in the future for the three of us (yes including the counsellor and it was her suggestion too!!) may assist MR in the way she feels. So we agreed to do this before we have another session. This caught both of us by surprise but it will give the counsellor an opportunity to see what KD is like for real and how MR copes / reacts while out & about again (especially in the company of other T-Girls).

I had a couple of days ago manage to get out again with a couple of friends but I will write about this adventure in my next posting but just say it was an excellent enjoyable outing.