It’s the first day of the new year and thinking back what had happened last year. Mmmm a mixed year for all sorts of reasons but it has been a small step forward for KD but not as much as I hoped for I suppose. Certainly wanted to get out more and definitely further a field but that never happened. Highlight of the year was telling my sister about KD along with her positive response & support since. Other issues I have already covered in previous 08 entries and clearly there are some questions that I’m still seeking answers for, so may be this year?
Yesterday, while writing the December entry, I realise that in 2009, it would be 6 years since MR found out about KD. Don’t time fly when you are having fun? OK it has not been fun all the time, numerous emotional ups & downs for both of us but we are still together and closer than we ever have been. Looking back, certainly in the first few years, KD was finding her level and playing catch up in order to be the person she wishes to be. However, I suddenly realise that I have not really progressed anymore in the last two years and consequently still playing the same tune, so to speak. This has got me thinking, have I really gone as far as I can within the current climate and therefore must accept that KD can only come out to play occasionally? I hope not but what other conclusion can I come too? Mmmm this is something that concerns me and hopefully things will change to keep everybody happy.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have been under the weather with the usual winter bugs doing their rounds. In this case, I’m unable to shake it off and it does get you down in one way or another! However, in the last few days, I have begin to realise that mentally, I am exhausted and just cannot think straight anymore. There is that much going on in my head and going from one thing to another. Yes KD figures highly in those thoughts in one way or another and always looking for answers or suggestions to move on but as I’ve said before, I’m now at a particular level and sense no movement except one of frustration and a little sadness. However, as I’ve realise, life goes on and therefore you must get on with it too. Strange really, from a family point of view and especially my relationship with MR, it is what I wanted - its great but at what cost at a personal level though? Something I have got to live with I’m afraid. So it’s another year and see what transpires but I hold no great hopes on the KD front though.
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