It has been a few weeks since I last updated my blog but there has been not much to write about! Then again, may be I did not want to write anything. Well I’m here now.
Clearly my last entry rang some bells in various quarters but in some respects the damage had already been done at a personal level. Will things ever be the same again with some people - mmmm only time will time. However, I have realise, we girls are as bad as each other and I suppose, I am no exception. When a friend has a problem especially it is a personal one, people in general, friends & family included tend to shy away and back off on the pretext of giving the person concerned time & space to work things out, which means really no contact. Likewise the person concerned is frightened / reluctant to contact others as they don’t wish to burden others with their problems. Mmmmm a vicious circle but one that needs to be broken when things like this happen. Food for thought?
A few days after I wrote my previous entry, I knew I was going under as issues occurred at work which were just uncalled for but it was me who was causing them! It was then that I realise something had to be done and the answer in my eyes was to forget about KD and concentrate on “bob” matters, if only to maintain my sanity. OK I knew this would be only a temporary thing but at least it would give me some time to recharge my batteries and start again on KD issues. In the meantime, some girls finally got the message that I was in trouble and I needed some kind words. Two girls (Jennifer & Nicky) PM’d me with some words of wisdom and by sheer co-incidence, offered a name of a suitable (TG) counsellor that may assist our situation. It was nice of them to contact me as I knew they had some idea of what I was going through - thank you girls. I mentioned the counsellor to MR who on the face of it, seem to suggest don't we need one! This just confused me and left me wondering what to do next, which has it happened was nowt!
As I’ve said to maintain my sanity I reverted to stereotypical role of “bob” and basically kept KD thoughts at the back of my mind. MR during this time seem to knew all was not right but probably could not pinpoint why! Unknown to me, a partner from the Roses wrote to MR via the forum to express concern and I suppose, was MR aware what was in my blog? Clearly she was not but then read the latest entries. This as I had eventually realise, upset MR but at least now she was aware of what was going through my mind. With cramming a four day trip to London in between, MR & I at least now had a chance to discuss KD matters a little more and clear up some misunderstandings. We agreed to give the “counsellor” a go and see what transpires. Since then a provisional appointment has been made for sometime in the near future but we are apprehensive of the “unknown” and a little scared of what may happen. However, we must give it a try, nothing lost, nothing gained but I think some good may come from it. I certainly hope so otherwise we will continue to go around in circles.
It is now two months now since KD has made an appearance but I’m hoping to change that next week but in a strange sort of way, not looking forward to it either. This means I may meet some friends but I have no idea what to say to them or even what to chat about as my situation has led to all things about “me”. Can’t imagine that making good conversation. Anyway, I & my sister will keep each other good company and probably that will be a better alternative as a reintroduction in coming out again and gaining some confidence as that is now sadly lacking.
With so much going around in my mind, I have not logged on to the Angels Forum for about 2/3 weeks although very occasionally have a quick glance as a “guest” and it looks I have not missed anything as I cannot see anything of interest to attract me to sign in. May be a sign of the times for me but is that a summary of the current active membership lacking interest or inspiration on numerous subjects?
Ah well time to go but I am wondering what I will be thinking about a week from now?
2 comments:
Kay
I hope you make that provisional appointment...it will be so good, seriously.
Take what you need from Angels at this time, as you say, need to recharge your batteries & the forum currently has very little to give.
Thinking of you x
Thank you for your thoughts again. Due to update the blog again soon but just say we have seen the counsellor. As for Angels, just say I agree. See you soon hopefully.
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