Been a few weeks since I’ve written anything on my blog but in that time, numerous things have happen in my personal, family and work life, it is surprising that I’m able to find time to be the person I wish to be, KD! Although I manage to get out on Wednesday last for the first time in three weeks, my life seems wholly been to be the good supporting father and husband were the family seem to rely on me to keep things ticking over, sorting out personal & financial problems, provide the taxi etc with no consideration on what I’m thinking or need. OK the children don’t know about KD but never the less they are old and responsible enough to take care of their own lives - however they seem to forget that at times. Myself & MR are now in our mid 50’s and seeking to make the most of the remaining time on this planet - basically we (I) want some time to do things we (I) want to do. To me this important as I see myself wanting to be KD more and more but alas it this going to actually happen? Probably not but do I accept that? At the same time, although I only work part-time, that has been shite too - spending much of my time on my own and when there is company, it seems to be least words the better!
This week has been an emotionally & mentally horrible, spending most of it on my own, whether in work or at home. Alas, no ones fault, just the way things have worked out but it has not done me any good. Unfortunately this gives me plenty of time to think and reflect. I have cried a few times this week as I just don’t know what to do. One of my problems is that I can’t talk / discuss anything with other people as don’t seem to be slightly interested in what I’ve got to say - so I conclude don’t say anything as it don’t matter anyway. Likewise with regards to “me”, I’m frightened to say anything to MR, in case I upset her, in fact I know I will upset her because she does not want to hear certain things coming out of my head, so in consequence I say nothing to keep the peace and struggle on. Again I can’t win nor can MR either. But how long can this go on for? Answers on a Fifty pound note please.
Over the last few months, looking around all the women going about their business, whether socialising, shopping, working etc and just wishing why can’t I do that and also dressing accordingly. As we know the summer is upon us, and the lovely dresses are all popping out and I’m just jealous / envious of them all. Alas I just cant wear any type of summer dress due to the need of covering up! If only I could shave my body hair especially my arms & legs but alas I just wont due to the various repercussions that could happen at home and especially with MR. Yes, it is an agreement that we made and I must keep to my side of that. Also MR, daughter and other girls constantly get their nails and eyebrows / lashes done and again I’m just so jealous - why cant it be me?
Although I (& other girls) have this problem all the time, changing back is just absolutely horrible but lately it has been getting harder - it is just depressing me. All I say is why? Arriving home, getting undressed and heading to bed for sweet dreams - is it definitely not! In fact its shite!
MR is doing her best to keep out of KD’s life as it’s her way of copping / dealing with it . In fact when I’m going out, MR prefers to stay away from the house, so she don’t see KD - that is hardly right is it? Keeping MR from entering her home because of this - mmmm I know it is her choice but it don’t have to be.
So what now? I have not a bloody clue but is love enough to keep things together within the family as it has been for the last few years - well I hope so but I have one or two doubts! May be things will be better tomorrow, next week or when ever and this is just silly talk yet again!
This week has been an emotionally & mentally horrible, spending most of it on my own, whether in work or at home. Alas, no ones fault, just the way things have worked out but it has not done me any good. Unfortunately this gives me plenty of time to think and reflect. I have cried a few times this week as I just don’t know what to do. One of my problems is that I can’t talk / discuss anything with other people as don’t seem to be slightly interested in what I’ve got to say - so I conclude don’t say anything as it don’t matter anyway. Likewise with regards to “me”, I’m frightened to say anything to MR, in case I upset her, in fact I know I will upset her because she does not want to hear certain things coming out of my head, so in consequence I say nothing to keep the peace and struggle on. Again I can’t win nor can MR either. But how long can this go on for? Answers on a Fifty pound note please.
Over the last few months, looking around all the women going about their business, whether socialising, shopping, working etc and just wishing why can’t I do that and also dressing accordingly. As we know the summer is upon us, and the lovely dresses are all popping out and I’m just jealous / envious of them all. Alas I just cant wear any type of summer dress due to the need of covering up! If only I could shave my body hair especially my arms & legs but alas I just wont due to the various repercussions that could happen at home and especially with MR. Yes, it is an agreement that we made and I must keep to my side of that. Also MR, daughter and other girls constantly get their nails and eyebrows / lashes done and again I’m just so jealous - why cant it be me?
Although I (& other girls) have this problem all the time, changing back is just absolutely horrible but lately it has been getting harder - it is just depressing me. All I say is why? Arriving home, getting undressed and heading to bed for sweet dreams - is it definitely not! In fact its shite!
MR is doing her best to keep out of KD’s life as it’s her way of copping / dealing with it . In fact when I’m going out, MR prefers to stay away from the house, so she don’t see KD - that is hardly right is it? Keeping MR from entering her home because of this - mmmm I know it is her choice but it don’t have to be.
So what now? I have not a bloody clue but is love enough to keep things together within the family as it has been for the last few years - well I hope so but I have one or two doubts! May be things will be better tomorrow, next week or when ever and this is just silly talk yet again!
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