Its been a while since I’ve written anything on my story but things in some respect’s have been quiet between MR and I when it has come to KD matter’s. In a way that has been a good thing which I ‘m sure is the better part of the “circle” I keep referring too. MR has attempted to let me get on with it on the basis it is not going away! The latter is true so there is some acceptance of KD on MR’s part but that don’t mean I take things for granted.
Most of September was KD free zone as MR & I were on holiday completely chilling out on a big ocean liner, “Queen Mary 2” were we cross the Atlantic in both directions along with a cruise up the east coast of America from New York to Quebec and return. Yes it was some holiday to say the least and while we were on board, we renewed our wedding vows. The latter was something that we both wanted but on this occasion MR had a choice (unlike first time around) knowing that KD was also part of the package. Being on board this liner (our second occasion) you have the gracious formal evenings were the ladies dress up accordingly. This was a little frustrating for me as all I could do was look at them wishing on a few occasions that it was me! However, although there were some stunning dresses, some ladies clearly forgot to look in the mirror or their partners did not have the bottle to tell them they look a mess! Certainly as far as MR was concerned she always looked the part and I was proud of her too. Hopefully, we will book another cruise on the QM2 sometime in the future.
Since the holiday, I’ve manage to get out on a few occasions but because of ongoing family circumstances. I’ve been restricted in just getting out to the Village with some friends and now’t else unfortunately. Interestingly I’ve tried to break the mould by arranging some day outings but sadly these plans just never come to fruition due to reasons beyond my control! How frustrating to say the least! The only thing that seem to be a little different from the routine when I went with my sister, her friend came too which was nice and she definitely had no hang ups about meeting a Tgirl - in fact quite the opposite!
Lately, I’ve been in thinking mood again especially in the light of recent outings and I found my self being fed up with KD’s life / routine - its getting to me that is for certain. My last outing, which was last week, I was subdued (not for the first time) I was out and in fact I found it an effort in getting ready & going out because it was the Village I was going too! No problems with being KD - love being "me" but circumstances are limiting me to Village visits and now’t else especially this year! It is just not what I want, made harder by the fact my friends are swaning off here there & everywhere and I'm not included for numerous reasons - likewise just get fed up hearing the stories about past / future outings! As stated, I've attempted to make plans with others, you know Plan A, then Plan B etc but end up Plan X Y Z or nothing! So frustrating & tiresome but is that my friends fault? Currently, not sure If I will get out again before the New Year, not because I don’t want too, its just with who, when & where providing its not Christmas related! There is nothing on the horizon - full stop!
In my mind, I’m happy when in appearance I am KD, that part of me has not changed - I tend to find myself at ease within which is a lovely feeling to have but may be other people don’t see it that way? I often question myself, do my friends like me, if they do, probably in small doses only. This is a feeling I’m getting consistently especially there is never any contact between them and I outside the arrangements of the evening meals at the village. Yet in the same token, I have the impression , some of them are in regular contact with each other - proof in the pudding as I get to find out they been out with each other either via their blogs or their Images website‘s. OK they are entitled to do that, freedom of choice and all that but I’m just left with the feeling / impression I’m not part of it anymore. Ok some will say, I’m reading too much into it or just getting it wrong completely, may be that is the case but currently it don’t seem like that and it’s a horrible feeling to have. Really sorry girls!
As for the future, well immediate priority is say farewell to December, just not a Christmas person I’m afraid - bah humbug some will say but as if normality goes out the window for a month! Not sure if I will get out during December either as nothing on the horizon which is not Xmas party related. In the circumstances, must look forward and I’m sure January 2011 will soon be upon us before we know it! Talking of 2011 I think my main goal will be to make new friends really and hopefully one or two that may be become genuine close friends with regular contact and we can do things together - something I really miss doing. Also hopefully and once again, I can get out further a field too! Will I though?
Most of September was KD free zone as MR & I were on holiday completely chilling out on a big ocean liner, “Queen Mary 2” were we cross the Atlantic in both directions along with a cruise up the east coast of America from New York to Quebec and return. Yes it was some holiday to say the least and while we were on board, we renewed our wedding vows. The latter was something that we both wanted but on this occasion MR had a choice (unlike first time around) knowing that KD was also part of the package. Being on board this liner (our second occasion) you have the gracious formal evenings were the ladies dress up accordingly. This was a little frustrating for me as all I could do was look at them wishing on a few occasions that it was me! However, although there were some stunning dresses, some ladies clearly forgot to look in the mirror or their partners did not have the bottle to tell them they look a mess! Certainly as far as MR was concerned she always looked the part and I was proud of her too. Hopefully, we will book another cruise on the QM2 sometime in the future.
Since the holiday, I’ve manage to get out on a few occasions but because of ongoing family circumstances. I’ve been restricted in just getting out to the Village with some friends and now’t else unfortunately. Interestingly I’ve tried to break the mould by arranging some day outings but sadly these plans just never come to fruition due to reasons beyond my control! How frustrating to say the least! The only thing that seem to be a little different from the routine when I went with my sister, her friend came too which was nice and she definitely had no hang ups about meeting a Tgirl - in fact quite the opposite!
Lately, I’ve been in thinking mood again especially in the light of recent outings and I found my self being fed up with KD’s life / routine - its getting to me that is for certain. My last outing, which was last week, I was subdued (not for the first time) I was out and in fact I found it an effort in getting ready & going out because it was the Village I was going too! No problems with being KD - love being "me" but circumstances are limiting me to Village visits and now’t else especially this year! It is just not what I want, made harder by the fact my friends are swaning off here there & everywhere and I'm not included for numerous reasons - likewise just get fed up hearing the stories about past / future outings! As stated, I've attempted to make plans with others, you know Plan A, then Plan B etc but end up Plan X Y Z or nothing! So frustrating & tiresome but is that my friends fault? Currently, not sure If I will get out again before the New Year, not because I don’t want too, its just with who, when & where providing its not Christmas related! There is nothing on the horizon - full stop!
In my mind, I’m happy when in appearance I am KD, that part of me has not changed - I tend to find myself at ease within which is a lovely feeling to have but may be other people don’t see it that way? I often question myself, do my friends like me, if they do, probably in small doses only. This is a feeling I’m getting consistently especially there is never any contact between them and I outside the arrangements of the evening meals at the village. Yet in the same token, I have the impression , some of them are in regular contact with each other - proof in the pudding as I get to find out they been out with each other either via their blogs or their Images website‘s. OK they are entitled to do that, freedom of choice and all that but I’m just left with the feeling / impression I’m not part of it anymore. Ok some will say, I’m reading too much into it or just getting it wrong completely, may be that is the case but currently it don’t seem like that and it’s a horrible feeling to have. Really sorry girls!
As for the future, well immediate priority is say farewell to December, just not a Christmas person I’m afraid - bah humbug some will say but as if normality goes out the window for a month! Not sure if I will get out during December either as nothing on the horizon which is not Xmas party related. In the circumstances, must look forward and I’m sure January 2011 will soon be upon us before we know it! Talking of 2011 I think my main goal will be to make new friends really and hopefully one or two that may be become genuine close friends with regular contact and we can do things together - something I really miss doing. Also hopefully and once again, I can get out further a field too! Will I though?
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