2006 & all that!

JAN 06 (1):- At last 2006 has arrived and the start of hopefully an eventful interesting year of my TV life - will I say this at the end of the year though? Looking back at 05 first, may be I think about the top 2 highlights of last year. First one without a doubt is still being with MR along with the support & understanding she has provided. OK I accept in an ideal world, she would prefer my TV life did not exist but we both agree that will not happen. In the circumstances we will look forward and make the most of our special loving relationship. Second highlight certainly my first time out in public as KD and that was just a WOW factor. Something that I will remember for the rest of my life but that is just the beginning for me!

The final week of 05 went quietly with the exception of Thursday evening! Yeah got home from work and MR ordered me to go and get dress as KD otherwise no tea!! Mmmm an unexpected opportunity occurred were I could dress as no family would be about and this was the first time I had dressed since 31 August. Who am I to say no to MR but I really enjoyed the whole evening and it was nice to be KD again rather being all in my mind!! And yes I got my tea too and it was a nice way to end the year with thanks to MR who had notice how relaxed I was being KD!

JAN 06 (2) :- Well this month was interesting in many ways with shopping, going out again to the Village, MR joining a partner’s forum, cyber T-Girl friends and the dentist amongst the itinerary!

Arranged another “couples evening meal” was arranged for 18th January at “Via Fossa” and 7 couples attended and Ali too. This was our first time out since last Aug so it will be another interesting occasion? Stayed at the Rembrandt for the night with Ali joining us as well. Ali applied my make-up as well which was a novel experience. Decided to try wearing false nails too when going out but no sure it was a success after this evening. All I all it was a good evening visiting Naps as well. Following day we went shopping in Manchester with Primark & M&S being the main focus of our attention, yes more clothes purchased.

Other shopping exhibitions also occurred during the month in Liverpool, Manchester & Warrington. More clothes purchase & jewellery too from what is now becoming the usual places - Primark, M&S, Tesco, Asda, BHS & Boots, the latter for make-up. I also manage to finally purchase an Axfords Ivory Satin corset. Mmm my femme wardrobe is certainly expanding now.

MR finally joined the Roses Female Talk Forum which surprise me but maybe it’s a step in the right direction and partial acceptance of KD? In the meantime I was in contact via the internet with a local CD called Nicola . First contact was Sept last year and early indications suggested a good friendship could blossom including meeting each other. However as time went on it clearly became obvious that she was changing her mind - poss change of attitude? In the end I just decided that no further contact was best option. This experience certainly suggest unlike other cyber contacts, this was a let down and to be more careful in the future.

Other things that happened, mmmm a visit to the dentist for the first time in numerous years. It went better than expected and no follow up visit required. Viewed a couple of good films - King Kong and The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe. The youngest lad visited A&E due to some form of unknown allergy but is OK otherwise.

Finally got round to writing the “letter” for the benefit of our kids in case they ever find out about KD. Hopefully it will never happen but better be prepared just in case. MR seems to be accepting my femme side more & more but occasionally (& understandably) there are the little blips. MR has said it gets a little too much at times & just wishes it would go away! She knows it won’t though but that does not mean I ignore the signals - just means to tread carefully & give her some breathing space. God I do love her & where would I be without her - I rather not think about that!

FEB 06: - A month that started with so much positive thoughts but ended up almost being a nightmare for both of us. If all started with a night out to the P&B Ball at AXM on the 4th were it gave an opportunity for MR to meet other T-Girls & other partners. The event was arranged to raise funds for the new changing rooms. Although the evening was OK in most parts, MR had / was getting mix vibes about the whole event. Anyway generally it passed OK. However, in my wisdom I decide to write about the positive & negative experiences via my Roses Blog which in hindsight was the wrong thing to do! The feedback from other Roses members, some good others not so led to a fallout between MR & I (as KD). This was made worst by the fact some Roses members were being personally insulting to MR which totally uncalled for! Anyway the whole affair was damaging and took out recent progress back at least 6 months if not more. MR has admitted it has knocked her confidence and has change her views on TV’s too were she has stated that some are arrogant. Likewise does not want to go out in the TV environment again for a while either. This is what I did not want to happen especially after both of us have worked so hard in getting to some acceptance level. At the end of the day, I must take full responsibility as after all I am the TV & its me who has turned her world upside down!!

In the meantime, MR had told her cousin (who is like a sister) that I was a TV!! Some surprise as I had no idea this was going to happen!! Her cousin is now the first member of the family to find out about KD and apparently she took it on board & had no problems with the fact I’m a TV!!

Received sad news that Steph & Jen have finally gone their separate ways which is no surprise to me. Their body language at the Couples Evening suggested things were not that good & also knowing some of their circumstances it was on the cards. A shame really as they are both nice people but I should keep in contact with Steph but not sure about Jen. She probably & understandably will disappear from the TV scene?

So what else has taken place? Booked the hotel room for Sparkle in June but only for one night only being Saturday. It will be our first Sparkle so one day & night will suffice I think? And finally, my employers have announced they want over 300 voluntary redundancies in 2006 which is the news I’ve been waiting for! Yes I want to apply for it because I’ve had enough especially after over 30 years

MAR 06: - In the light of what happened last month, I made no further entries into my Roses Journal until later in the year. March was one of consolidation and attempting to get KD things back on an ever keel with MR. However as MR decided that she currently did not to go out with me , I still wanted too. With reluctant acceptance from MR, l went out to the Sparkle No4 dinner (23rd) at “Via Fossa” in the Village arranged by Astrid. A good enjoyable evening was had and met up with an old friend too, namely Simon.

By the end of the month, things had improved with my partner as we had kept open communication between us regarding KD which was not easy at times but we worked at it and she wanted to continue to be supportive as best as she could - this was really appreciated. The nice thing that during a shopping trip, with my partner’s blessing brought some clothes for my wardrobe which was progress. However, there was no sign of her wanting to come out with me and clearly this was going to take time.

APR 06: - This was a significant month with a new adventure for KD! My partner was slowly coming to terms again with my T-Girl life, and was continuing to support as best as she could including me going out again on my own. However, I acknowledge that I had put her through the mill again and digging up memories she would prefer to forget but I had good reason for this! Jenny-Anne of the MCC TG Group had invited my partner and I (in Feb) to present a talk at the April meeting on a “partners perspective”. The idea was to put across the partners point of view on the trials & tribulations of life with a TV. I presented the talk in the best way I could and it seemed to go down OK. Th interesting part was on how I was going to get Manchester as KD. Fortunately help was at hand and manage to get change in another girls home in Warrington. Not ideal but something that I enjoyed though. After the meeting, most of us including myself went for the usual Indian meal at the Sangam Restaurant on the Curry Mile in Rusholme. This was the first time I had been on the Curry Mile although I heard about it and I must admit it was a bit of an eye opener. The staff at the restaurant and food was excellent along with the company too! I manage to have fascinating & revealing conversation’s with some TS’s who were going through the various stages of going full time. Again I learned a lot about transitioning but also making friends with nice girls too! After an eventful day, I arrived home with a great sense of satisfaction & pride on what I achieve during the day. Mmmmm some wow factor indeed.

MAY 06: - Previously I had wrote about my experience of the MCC meeting but at that time too, it became a significant moment in my “bob” life too which has change things for good. I finally got voluntary redundancy from my job after over 3 decades in it. Within a fortnight of being told I could go, I was on my way & said farewell. Oh what a very happy day that was and a case of good riddens to a unhappy part of my life! Now I had become unemployed for the first time in my life but was not bothered by it. Fortunately I got a nice financial package which would keep me going for a while without worrying about obtaining another job at my age! So May arrived and the start of my life as a house person!! For the next few weeks I just chilled out, enjoyed life and catched up on a few personal things. With regards to my T-Girl life, after the excitement of the MCC outing, things were quiet again other than to confirm that my next outing would be “Sparkle” in late June. I had already booked my hotel room at the Ibis, Charles St in January but on the basis that my partner would be there too - alas it was not to be! In fact KD took a back seat during May as other matters were taking priority including a well deserved holiday.

JUN 06: - This was dominated by the “Sparkle” event in Manchester at the end of the month. Went out as KD for the first time since April to a NC meet on the Wednesday before Sparkle.
As for “Sparkle” well Sat 24th arrived, my partner was working on the morning so this left me on my own to pack my girly case and get my outfits together. Duly packed the car and then headed for Manchester with mix emotions - one of excitement / great anticipation, another of nervous anxiety and one of sadness as my partner was not with me being another milestone in my femme life! Maybe it was the right decision for her after all? Arrived & booked in at Ibis Hotel, Charles St, got change and off to the Village. Just generally walked around to see who was out, took some photo’s and attended a Film Festival arranged by Simon. Met up with Rebecca Russell who I offered my hotel room to get change in and I took the opportunity to get change again. After that headed back to the Village, met Bea & Chrissy and had a meal at Velvet. Most of the evening events was held in Sackville Gdns and the atmosphere was fantastic with hundreds of T-Girls about. Met a few familiar faces, took more photo’s and ended up in AXM with Chrissy. Now early Sunday morning, we eventually made our way back to the hotel lobby, some of us with sore feet - will I ever get use to high heels? Arriving at the hotel, clearly numerous girls decided that it was not time for bed but for more chat & cups of coffee in the lobby. The atmosphere again was one of laughter and general girly chat with most of us hoping it would not come to an end. Alas tiredness eventually gets to you and the bed eventually wins, so come 4.00am thinking what a day to remember being KD and eventually got to sleep!!

Now its late Sunday morning, time to get up after about 5 hours on & off sleep. Anyway Rebecca & I made attempts to get ready to go our separate ways - Rebecca going back home & I going onto the Sunday lunch arranged by Myffy at “Villagio’s” before heading home & watching the England - Portugal World Cup game! Arranged with Chrissy to use her hotel room to get change after the meal. Upon arrival at Villagio’s, most of the 50+ guests had already arrived, some in girl mode, some in “bob” mode! Strange really being in “bob” mode, I never did recognize who they actually were and still don‘t! May be that is a good thing not to know who they were! The atmosphere was friendly & full of laughter with Myffy doing a fine job as our hostess, welcoming & chatting to everybody. Before we knew it, drinks & meal had been consumed before it was time for all to go our separate ways. Clearly a few were staying in the Village, no doubt to watch the game, others include myself to head home. Looking back, it was a lovely enjoyable 24 hours being KD, meeting new & old friends, seeing so many people enjoying themselves and I suppose the thing that stands out for me was the huge variety of outfits worn by the girls all making their statement / stamping their own personality on the “Sparkle” event. It goes without saying none of this would be possible without the various organisers of the weekend who put in such a vast amount of time & effort to make it a success which leaves me to say, thank you making this weekend a special one in the life of KD. Roll on next year.

JUL 06: - On the KD front things went quiet but more importantly my RG partner seem OK with me attending Sparkle which what I wanted. However looking back a little deeper, maybe my partner had she come, probably would of enjoyed the event too but there is next year all being well?

Still in the land of the unemployed but was not that really bothered, However, I did apply for a few jobs and finally got offered three all at once! I accepted a part-time job at a well known food / clothes / furniture retailer - some would say an ideal T-Girls job! I was being chilled out for most of the month, doing the what was now the usual home routine chores - washing, cleaning etc and attempting to catch up on some personal matters. Yes it is having a break from work but now realising to make the most of it. MR & daughter were spending a weekend in Dublin which gave me the unexpected opportunity to do something else.

Amazingly and by sheer co-incidence this co-incided with the North Wales TG weekend at the Edelweiss Hotel in Colwyn Bay and I though why not go and see what it is all about? My intention was to arrived dressed but this did not quite happen. Having arrived at the hotel and finally got changed, made my introduction to the other T-Girls who were already there, some of whom I recognize. Unfortunately, I had just missed out on using the services of a make-up lady which could of saved the job & time too! Without going into the whole story, it was an interesting & enjoyable weekend which included, dinner, disco, breakfast and the company of like minded T-Girls. Certainly meeting / chatting Julie from Ireland was the highlight - interesting & humorous she was but no surprise coming from the Emerald Isle along with numerous conversations with some of the girls until 4 in the morning. Getting up later was not so hard surprisingly, had breakfast, chatted again & then went my merry way home to collect my partner & daughter from the airport. The TG weekend I must admit was an interesting experience but not something that I would do regular as prefer to be out & about rather than stay in the confines of the Hotel & gardens. However, I did enjoy the company of the T-Girls there and may be that would be reason alone to do it again sometime in the future?

AUG 06: - Had begun a new chapter in my working life which was a fresh challenge that I needed but also given my new employment hours which included every other weekend working, it made me re-focus my thoughts on me rather than KD. In consequence, KD really did take a back seat for once and in a small way it was nice but the reality I was never far from constant reminders especially in my new job! Towards the end of the month, my partner had spoken about the concern of not seeing me dress since February and was worried about the possible consequences of that in the future. Would she be OK or turn completely against the though of KD? It was agreed that when the opportunity arose, I would dress again at home to see how things went. Well this happened over the Bank Holiday weekend and I took the opportunity to wear some new clothes. Having got change, applied my make-up I went downstairs a little apprehensive not knowing how my partner would react. Fortunately it all went well and I change a couple of times during the course of the evening too. My partner was OK with me being KD once again which was relief for both of us. Now we could move on for what ever the next chapter was going to be!

SEPT 06: - I was attempting to see what events via the forums I could attend before the New Year including Myffy’s “Netball” event in November. It was important to me to always have something to look forward too regardless how far away in time the event was. Unfortunately, anything that I was thinking of doing, there were circumstances / reasons preventing me from going. I had also attempted to arrange a night out at the Village in early September with a couple of postings on Roses & Angels. Unfortunately there was no response but I put this down to time of year being end of the summer, more than anything else that there were no girls interested. However, I had decided would try again for an October get together! At this time my outlook had change, especially in my work life, enjoying a new job and meeting numerous people as part of that too. As far as my new work colleagues were concerned they have no idea that I’m a T-Girl and that is how it should remain. OK I’m sure they will notice I buy girly clothes but they think it is for my wife (& daughter) and why not eh? Yes the thought is there if some one adds one & one together, what will I do then? Well I worry about that if & when it happens. Interestingly during this time, I had found that I was never happy with painting my nails or that matter wearing false ones either so I decided to look after them by regular filing / cutting / polishing. Then if I knew I was going out in say two weeks time, I would let my nails grow and then apply clear varnish. I had already tried this method at home & decided it was the best & more practical way of having nice nails. However, to test the theory I had to wait until I went out next which currently was not happening.

OCT 06: - KD’s life was a little quiet at the moment, but I was getting what I call mix messages over the last few months from my partner. One moment, she was OK with KD matters, laughing & joking then suddenly out of the blue, wanted KD to go away & was getting too much for her! This led me with a feeling of not knowing were I stood about KD and more importantly becoming apprehensive on what to say to my partner - was it the right or wrong thing to say or could it get mis-interpreted? I had notice the ups & downs of her thoughts was becoming more regular however I had decided to attempt to understand & support her as best as I can but it was getting harder for me as time went on. As everyone says, best thing is to talk to each other to resolve matters but in this case, I wanted to give things more time and hopefully it may go away. No doubt attempting to avoid the issue as it could rebound on me which is not what I want.

Over the previous few weeks, it was noted that a number of new “local” girls were joining the “Angels” forum which was either co-incidence or someone had been on a mini advertising tranny campaign! This led to some new contacts with a few of them and the usual flurry of messages between us. Again I had another “cyber” experience with a new friend who did not know what she wanted due to her Christian faiths! Clearly she needed to sort herself out first before involving others. Yet again this has put my guard in future regarding communicating with other new girls!

Anyway on the bright side I had manage to communicate with three nice girls namely, Jenny D, Lisa Karen and Annie, the latter living only a few miles away! These three girls were more or less new to the scene / forums and I took on the role of being an “Auntie”, giving them encouragement, advice (from my limited experience) as well as friendship.

I had posted another “evening out” message on Angels for Wed, 18th Oct hoping that I would get better response than the last occasion? Well to cut a long story short, responses were forthcoming and a night out was arranged with Astrid (& her partner Sandra), Cerys and Jenny D. Although I knew Astrid & Sandra, I only partly knew Cerys from a very brief meeting earlier in the year and it was really nice to meet & chat to her. Cerys is such a lovely person with nice sense of humour and she very much passes without a problem - oh so natural. All in all the evening was a success with a meal at Velvet thrown in too as well as meeting Jenny for the first time too.

Also I had met Annie albeit in “bob” mode at a local pub. We had a good girly natter covering all sorts of things and we seem to get on with each other. It was an enjoyable night and hopefully we would met again as our true selves? Although this has nothing to do with Annie, it had led me to think that in reality I don’t think it is a good thing meeting another girl initially in “Bob” mode because we are not meeting the person she wants to be! Does that make sense? This meeting had raised an issue with my partner as she was not happy that I was meeting a stranger via the internet. I had done this twice before but did not think it was a problem! However, as she rightly pointed out, would I be happy if she done this instead? Mmmmm of course I would not and therefore accepted she had a very valid point. Oh did I feel so bloody stupid what I done without thinking about my partner feelings & thoughts. Yet another lesson learnt and has played a part in the above decision about meeting “Bobs”.

NOV 06: - This was a quiet month but did have another evening out on the 15th at Villagio’s with a few more girls attending including Lisa K, Jane M , Beckie and Becky Richards. During the course of the evening Jane & I found we had a number things in common and we had probably been in contact with each other indirectly also - mmmm oh very spooky! Anyway the meal was again a success. I worn my new M&S long straight black skirt & matching jacket - giving a formal appearance but I liked it and I felt good. Who cares, its all about being me!! Unfortunately there were two TG events I wanted to attend but alas work prevented me from going to Myffy’s Netball event on the 11th - this event by all accounts was a success which made it harder for me to miss out. The other event was the following week organised by Simon (GWRB) which was a Ball for the Children in Need appeal. Originally I had thoughts that this could be an event that my partner would like to go to and may be an idea way of reintroducing her to the TG community. Alas it was not to be, as we had already committed ourselves to the George Michael concert the same night at the GMEX. Things with my partner were generally quiet which was a good sign but I still had the feeling something would turn up or may be rock the boat again which meant keeping KD low profile. I finally purchase a new shorter (& different colour) wig from “Wigs R Us” as I wanted to have a choice between a longer & shorter style when going out.

DEC 06: - I was now having thoughts about the internet TV forums that I belonged too and begin to realise that for me personally there was only one forum that I was enjoying (Angels) and being part of for a number of reasons. I made the decision to become a silent member of Roses and don’t bother with a couple of others as they did not suit my needs or thoughts. Thoughts were now concentrating on two planned night outs in the Village just prior to Xmas. The first night would be the Northern Concord Xmas Party at the Hollywood Show bar on 13th with 3 days later being the “Angels North Xmas Meal” at Villagio’s. In the time leading up to the night outs, work was busy, no surprise being in the retailer sector. Interestingly I took on a role at work which meant I was suppose to giving advice / assistance to gentlemen who were buying gifts for their partners / girlfriends. Being a T-girl I found this role most interesting & fun as I was familiar with most of the gifts anyway but of course I still got “training” as no one knew of my little secret!!

Wed 13th finally arrived and little did I or my partner knew was in store that day! At dinnertime, my partner received a phone call from her good friend who was coming to the Xmas Meal too, so I thought!! Alas the phone call was confirmation she was unable to make it due to health reasons - a little unfortunate but unavoidable - her friends health was more important. What was said after that phone call changed the remainder of the day completely. Net result at 2.00pm I had made my mind up not to attend the NC Xmas Party as there was more pressing needs to discuss with my partner about “KD” after she finish work at 6pm! It was clear to me that I could not carry on with the “mix messages”, were did I as a person fit in & were did “KD” fit in as well - something that “my” needs were being overlooked. Perhaps selfish I suppose to take that view but I’ve always attempted to see things always from my partners point of view. Clearly it was not working. Eventually I wrote a 2 page letter explaining things etc which I gave my partner after she finish work. For the next 2 hours while parked in a layby we had a very frank but emotional discussion which initially not a lot came out of it. Yes it cleared the air but importantly no further on regarding “KD”. This also led doubts to either my or our attendance for the Xmas Meal on the Saturday too! Over the next couple of days, things were beginning to improve, further discussions took place and we had decided we were going to the Xmas Meal. This was an important step for both of us but one that we had no idea of the outcome. Saturday (16th) finally arrived and we had made some plans on how I would get change in AXM while my partner waited for me! I had decided to wear my new M&S red skirt suit, something that I’ve been wanting to wear for a while but waiting for the right occasion. Likewise I choose this occasion to wear my new wig which I purchase a few weeks ago as I though it would be nice to have my partner see it on me first! Interestingly I calculated how much it cost me to be “KD” that night and the figure was over £500. Mmm not cheap being a T-Girl!! Well the Xmas Meal went better than expected - after a slow edgy start, my partner & I finally relaxed and had an enjoyable time. This was certainly helped by those who attended especially Myffy who had a good natter with my partner. It was nice to see some new faces but also it was nice to see Chrissy (& Beth), seeing Annie K for the first time as “AK” but also nice to see Cerys partner - Hannah too. Unfortunately neither my partner or I manage to have a talk with Hannah which was a pity - she seem to be such a lovely warm person - may be another occasion hopefully? Also one or two of the party by the end of the evening were a little merry to say the least. All in all it was a good enjoyable night, the meal was deemed a success and from my point of view went better than expected - now would this change things in the future though and would my partner come out with me again. Well only time would tell and certainly be the New Year before there were hopefully be any encouraging signs. Alas that was KD’s last appearance of 2006 although there was an opportunity to go out on the last Sat on the year but I decided it was not to be.

However, my partner & I had further discussions about “KD” either side of Xmas. It became clear to me that my partner’s talk with Myffy at the meal had some effect on her as well as myself in regards the discussions which we were having and some very valid points were made. Yes we were both at fault but may be I was the inconsiderate selfish one again? Regardless Myffy’s words of wisdom seem to have done the trick and may be given us the direction we both needed to keep a wonderful relationship going for ever? Mmmm it could be an interesting 2007? Well that is the brief story of the trials & tribulations of KD in 2006.